


that’s what hurts the most, i came so close (but now you’ll never know)

by delorange



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, But not quite, F/F, High School AU, Lesbian AU, also, but there’s a text, by one direction, even tho literally none of it happens in a high school, if it’s even good enough to call it that, just not together, nicky is an exchange student in america, no happy ending, she’s leaving to go home, they get so so so close🥺, title from loved you first, well they’re happy, yes i’m one of those people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-23 11:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23743870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delorange/pseuds/delorange
Summary: nicky’s going home, and gigi can’t stop crying. jackie’s intervention is just a tad too late.
Relationships: Gigi Goode/Crystal Methyd, Gigi Goode/Nicky Doll
Comments: 24
Kudos: 31





	that’s what hurts the most, i came so close (but now you’ll never know)

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i said basically everything i would have wanted to say in the tags, which i never do. except from, this is my first time writing drag race, and i also have reservations about rpf, so it might be a little... off? anyway, um, hope you enjoy!

Gigi's crying. Not crying, sobbing. Uncontrollably. Other passengers and their families shoot her dirty looks as they pass, and to be fair, if it were anyone else, Nicky would do the same. But Gigi isn't anyone. Nicky sweeps her into her arms for a final time and lets the girl weep into her shoulder. 

It's an unspoken secret why Gigi was the one to volunteer to take Nicky to the airport. Nicky said her goodbyes to the rest of the group at the school she had attended for the past year, all of them knowing far too well to allow Gigi to be the one to see her off. 

She strokes Gigi's hair, taking note of it's softness, how it's perfectly styled, even with an outfit that only consisted of a t-shirt and joggers. She commits it all to memory. 

"It is not for all of time, is it?" she soothes. Gigi pulls away for only a moment to look at her adoringly, and Nicky can only assume her English was slightly off, but she can't bring herself to care. Gigi crashes back into her, sobbing even harder, and it physically hurts when she is forced to detangle herself from the younger girl and grab her bags. 

"I'm going to miss my flight, ma chérie..." Gigi nods and swipes at her eyes, trying to get her breathing under control. She reaches around all of Nicky's bags for a final final hug. "Call me as soon as you land, yeah?"

Nicky nods, "Au revoir, ma belle," and smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes, she knows it. Without another look, she turns and finds her way to the escalator up to security. When she reaches the top, she contemplates a final glance. Oddly, such a small thing feels like an enormous decision. 

With any luck, she thinks, Gigi will have left, and she won't have to see her that one last time, but as she takes the risk and chances that last glance, of course, that luck is not on her side. Tears stream down her face, but she smiles through it, blowing a kiss as Nicky turns a corner. 

Instantly Nicky feels as if she's hit a brick wall. A chill seeps into the hole in her heart, and she has to physically shake herself in order to keep walking. She makes it through to duty free uneventfully, although on two separate occasions she's asked if she's okay by other travellers. After that, she makes a conscious effort to look less... distraught, is the only word she can use to describe it. 

She hasn't got a huge amount of time before she goes to gate, so she pops into the newsagents' for some food instead of waiting in the large fast food queue. She makes sure to grab a box of 5 creme eggs - Gigi's favourite. 

As she's walking to the gate her phone pings: 

_from: gigi💕  
(13:41) have a safe flight doll _

Then a couple of seconds later,

_from: gigi💕  
(13:41) miss you _

Nicky takes a deep breath before tapping out a reply.

_to: gigi💕  
(13:43) miss you more🥺 _

_to: gigi💕  
(13:44) jealous?🤣 _

She sends a picture of the creme eggs, receiving a string of explicit emojis in reply. Nicky knows they could carry on with this conversation for hours if they so pleased, but she leaves it there. 

Once she's seated by the window on the plane she pulls her phone out for the last time before she has to go on aeroplane mode. She updates her Snapchat story in true Nicky fashion, then switches to text messages.

_to: jacqueline  
(14:02) getting on the plane now, don't u dare send me any shitty memes_

_to: crystal  
(14:03) how's g? love u all, i've just boarded_

_to: gigi💕  
(14:03) i'm on the plane, try not to miss me too much😉 _

She wants to say so much more. She's almost full to bursting with words, but she doesn't say anything. She knows nothing can come of whatever this is, no matter how much she and Gigi care for each other. The doors are shutting when her phone pings again. She looks at it instantly, but her face drops slightly when she realises it's Crystal and not Gigi. 

_from: crystal  
(14:05) awful. torn up. u bitch._

_from: crystal  
(14:05) joking, joking! love u! but seriously, she's sobbing, have u texted her?_

_to: crystal  
(14:05) of course i have! wait, was that wrong?_

_from: crystal  
(14:06) no, no! just making sure this wasn't cuz u ignored her lols_

_from: crystal  
(14:06) not that u would! shit, ignore me, safe flight! _

She giggles a little at her phone, but all she can think about is Gigi crying, over her, of all things. It was different before, when they were saying goodbye in the departures lounge, but that was over an hour ago. Those thoughts start to creep up on Nicky again, but she pushes them down, especially now. 

*

_from: jaqueline  
(14:09) i think gigi's in love with you _

It pops up on her phone screen just as the air stewards come to check seatbelts, and she can feel as they turn the corner to the runway, so she switches her aeroplane mode on and shoves her earphones in her ears. 

She hopes the steady beats of whatever English song she's listening to will drown out her racing heartbeat. _I think Gigi's in love with you._ How come the very words she's waited all year to hear, suddenly fill her with dread?

She catches a tear before it can escape her eye and sniffs as the plane lifts off into the air. Her knuckles turn white gripping the armrest - she isn't very good with takeoff anyway - and the person sat in the middle seat gives her a sympathetic look, although Nicky doesn't actually know this; her eyes are squeezed tightly shut. 

She wills it all to be a cruel, cruel nightmare. Maybe if this realisation, on all of their parts, had come even a month earlier, they could have had a chance. Just a chance at it. But now, with Gigi still in America and Nicky back in France, all possibilities of a relationship were well and truly gone. 

As she spirals further and further into her thoughts, her tears fall faster and faster, and the woman next to her tries to ask if she's okay, but she brushes her off. She's not okay. She feels like she's lost an arm, and now she's going to have to relearn how to write with the other one. A strange loss, but a loss all the same. 

They hit 40,000 feet, and the plane WiFi comes on, but she ignores it. She ignores the almost constant pinging of her phone, only picking it up to swap to her 'sad songs' playlist, which was full of ballads in her own language, what she listened to if she needed a good cry. 

The ache in her chest is unbearable. She can't breathe, she can't do anything. Silent tears stream down her face, as she wishes, wishes with all her heart that Gigi was there to dry them.

*

11 hours and 5 minutes later she lands in France.

*

11 days and 5 hours later she's on FaceTime to Gigi, as she has been for about 11 days and 4 hours. 

* 

11 months and 5 days later, she contemplates calling the girls she met on the exchange to wish them a Merry Christmas, but she doesn't know if it would seem odd.

*

11 years and 5 months later, she's hurrying along the Champs Elysées, late for yet another meeting at work. She weaves through the endless throngs of people, not taking much notice until she spots a familiar face. 

They lock eyes for barely a moment, but that's all it takes. "Gigi?" It comes out as a whisper. She can't believe her eyes. Gigi is here, in Paris.

"Nicky? How- uh, how are you?" Gigi doesn't seem hugely enthusiastic to see her, but she can't blame her. A lot happens in 11 years. 

"Good, good, how are-" Nicky stops short at the big, sparkling stone on Gigi's finger. Her whole world comes crashing down around her. She didn't know what she expected, but it certainly wasn't this. "Who's the lucky woman?" She forces as much excitement into her voice as she can manage. 

Gigi tucks the hand behind her back. "Uh, Crystal, actually, do you remember her?" She looks almost embarrassed. 

"There is no way that I could forget!" Nicky laughs, and Gigi follows suit, but it settles into an uncomfortable silence. 

"Well, uh, I'm late for work, I'm sorry-" she starts to walk off, but Gigi catches her hand. She feels the exact same crackle of electricity even now. 

"Wait, wait! Can I get your number? Maybe we can have a catch up at some point." Gigi looks hopeful, but Nicky shakes her head, a ghost of a smile on her face. 

"I think we both know that it is not wise, Miss Gigi." Gigi nods, and Nicky mirrors her action, then they go their separate ways once again.


End file.
